I recently stayed up until 1 a.m.—long past my self-imposed bedtime—doing what I suspect millions of other moms do when the house finally goes quiet: scroll. Some videos were helpful, while others were mindless comfort that made me laugh—just dozens of people pranking their loved one with an Anthropologie rock.
When I woke up the next morning, groggy and behind before the day had even begun, I couldn’t shake the question: Why do I keep doing this to myself? After just 45 minutes of scrolling, I was comparing myself to strangers. Should I be lifting weights at dawn? Trying intermittent fasting because some woman in perfect lighting swears by it? Do I need to prank my husband with a fancy rock?
It took less than an hour for self-doubt to seep in.
As Dr. Nicole Kumi, a Hello Nanny! Expert and CEO and Founder of The Whole Mom, a Maternal Wellness Organization puts it, “This pressure is significantly impacting maternal mental health in millennials, and most of it can be attributed to the overconsumption of social media.”
Guilty as charged. What was once the empowering idea that women could “have it all” has warped into the expectation that we must be it all: the short-order cook, the spotless homemaker, the high-performing professional, and the emotionally attuned parent, all at the same time.
So, how did we get here and more importantly, how do we step out of the scroll and back into ourselves? Read on for real strategies for protecting moms mental health and rebalancing your family life.
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The Rise of Curated Motherhood
In 2025, social media sites estimated to reach 5.42 billion users worldwide, with the average person spending 2 hours and 24 minutes on social media every day. For many mothers (me included), that number feels conservative on an average day.
The result is a society from tweens to twenty somethings to mothers and even grandparents who are always plugged in. Watching cleaning videos, an influencer’s makeup routine and political videos from farflung countries is now the norm. We expect it and we consume it.
Dr. Kumi shares how this affects a mother’s sense of self-worth: “With the growing rise of ‘influencers’ sharing everything about their lives, from get-ready-with-me videos to how they are sleep training their children, mothers are caught in a vicious cycle of comparison, using someone’s post as their blueprint for motherhood. Moms have stopped engaging with their peers and support systems and are looking for validation and solitude in the world of meta.”
In other words, our curated feeds have replaced in-person connection and community. What was once a conversation you’d have with a neighborhood mom walking to the playground strollers side-by-side now looks more like mothers seeking information and validation from people they’ve never met.
While it’s unfair to say connection can never be made via social media, the goal posts for motherhood and what it means to cultivate community as a mother are shifting rapidly. Highlight reels and a constant feed of content means that we are in a mode of constant comparison.
Does that red light mask really work as good as it seems like it does? How is that toddler eating peas and broccoli—my 8 year old won’t even touch that! I feel like I should start making a batch of muffins on Sundays—my son’s lunches aren’t as wholesome as I thought.
These thoughts (and if you’re wondering, yes, those are mine after a night of scrolling) can lead to self-doubt, guilt and a disconnection from real-life community.
Related: How to Build Effective Organization Systems for Home Life That Keep Parents and Caregivers In Sync
Behind the Facade: Rising Childcare Costs, Stagnant Wages and Career Tradeoffs
The curated life is often built on exhaustion. What looks effortless on the surface hides a web of invisible labor, impossible tradeoffs, and a social infrastructure that simply doesn’t support working families. At its most basic, think about the effort it takes for a creator to make a video, edit it, post it, write a caption and respond to comments.
It’s not nothing.
Add in childcare costs,which have risen almost 220% in the past three decades. Affordable therapy is scarce, paid leave is a privilege, and flexible workplaces—despite the post-pandemic promises—remain the exception, not the rule as many companies are instituting a return to office mandate.
“The 2025 mom is busier than ever before,” says Dr. Kumi, “balancing rising careers, household responsibilities, and shouldering the pressures of social media and society to keep going. Millennial moms are stepping into spaces that many of their mothers were unable to take advantage of, often feeling like they have a lot to prove and lose on this mission. The idea that you can have it all doesn’t mean you have to do it all.”
Infinite feeds that surface content from food to beauty to sleep routines and motherhood wins (and fails) reflect a fantasy of balance that society doesn’t structurally allow. And, when mothers internalize that illusion, it reinforces a dangerous narrative: you’re not doing enough. Or, are you? Self-doubt is a byproduct of social media consumption.
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Protecting Your Mental Health in a System That Isn’t Built for Moms
The system isn’t built for mothers and has certainly not adapted to where we are today.
Did you know that nearly 40% of mothers are now the primary breadwinners in their households? And more than 70% of moms with children under 18 participate in the workforce. Yet, most workplaces still operate as if someone else is at home managing everything else.
And, if there is support at home, it’s often taboo to talk openly about it. Can you remember the last time a C-suite exec spoke plainly about the full-time nanny or household manager they have at home?
The result: A chronic cycle of guilt, burnout, and self-blame that mothers internalize as personal failure rather than systemic failure.
“The digital world has created the expectation that you are always available,” says Dr. Kumi, “meaning less separation between work and home [for working mothers], unless you intentionally develop that separation. You are the nucleus of your family. If you are not well and functioning at full capacity, nobody else will be. Remember that when the guilt starts to build.”
Sara Tans, Hello Nanny! Expert, ICF Certified Career Coach, and Founder of The Working Mom Handbook, explains: “For many women, changing jobs or stepping back isn’t an option. That’s why redefining your why is so important. Clarify your core values and connect them to your current season of life. Maybe financial stability is your priority right now—or the flexibility to be more present at home. When you anchor your choices to your values, you move through even tough environments with more clarity and confidence.”
Anchoring to values is one thing, but protecting your energy requires boundaries, too. Her point is a call to action for all of us: to reclaim our own time and space. Dr. Kumi adds, “The best advice I give new moms is to find time each day to exist as yourself. Not as someone’s wife, mother, or employee—just you. The less time you give to that woman, the easier it is to forget that she matters. I carve out 30 minutes of non-negotiable time every morning—spiritually, mentally, or physically—and once I do that, I can pour into others with ease.”
In other words, protecting your mental health as a mother isn’t indulgent, but necessary infrastructure. You can’t lead your family, career, or home from a depleted place.
Until maternal care, paid leave, and workplace culture catch up to the reality of modern motherhood, boundaries and self-preservation aren’t self-care—they’re resistance.
Related: The Default Parent Dilemma: Why Moms Carry the Maternal Mental Load (& How to Change It)
Redefining “Having It All”
Can we all agree that it’s ok to occasionally stay up late scrolling, but that it’s time to officially retire the myth of “having it all” and “being it all”? Because what if the point was never to juggle everything or compare ourselves to those who do, but to choose differently? This means defining success on your own terms, shaped by your values, your bandwidth, and the season you’re in.
Tans advises that “Working moms can avoid burnout without stalling their careers by approaching life in seasons.” She explains, “Parenthood is always evolving, and so are our priorities. When we right-size what matters most in each season, we can also redefine growth. Sometimes growth is a promotion. Other times it is building relationships, deepening expertise, or simply maintaining capacity while raising a family. Naming what growth means in the season you are in keeps you aligned at work and at home.”
To achieve this, some might choose to break “goals into manageable pieces. When facing a tough season, zoom in on short-term wins,” says Tans, “Ask yourself: What matters most to me this month? What support can I lean on? Keeping goals small and realistic can make big picture challenges feel less overwhelming and progress more visible.”
Both Dr. Kumi and Tans remind us that true success for modern mothers isn’t about doing it all or being it all, but doing what matters, intentionally and reflective of the season you’re in. So the next time you’re tempted to stay up late scrolling, try choosing presence over performance. Boundaries over burnout. Fulfillment over perfection.
Because at the end of the day, your family’s happiness and your sense of self worth isn’t about doing it all, but about doing what’s right for you in your season of life.
👉Boundaries, balance, and better support start with the right care team. Connect with Hello Nanny! to find your match.
