How to Prioritize Your Partnership While Raising Kids

By Stephanie Fornaro
November 20, 2025

At the heart of this story is a question few parents say out loud: Should you prioritize your partner over kids? By breaking down emotional load, relationship strain, and mom guilt, we reveal why strengthening your partnership is one of the most powerful ways to support your whole family.

As a parent—especially when your kids are young—it’s easy to focus entirely on their needs. Are they eating enough? Are they playing well with others? Are we keeping up with every appointment and vaccination?

In those early years, it felt like it was all about them. And, in many ways it was. I’d consistently stay up late to ponder these very questions, often at the expense of my relationship with my husband. Now that my kids are much older, I realize how much that period tested our partnership. It was a grind and while we both loved our family immensely, it was also really hard.

So why do so few people talk about just how challenging parenthood—especially those early years—can be on a marriage? Maybe it’s shame, embarrassment, or simply not having anyone to confide in. But, after many whispered, “Do you feel this way, too?” convos with my trusted friends, I know I’m not alone.

Knowing this struggle is common is one thing—knowing what to do about it is another. Here, we’ll explore practical strategies to nurture your partnership, how to reframe mom guilt around prioritizing your marriage, and take a realistic look at whether a 50/50 division of labor is even doable.

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Survival Mode: Why Early Parenthood Tests Even the Strongest of Relationships

When you’re in the baby or toddler stage, you’re putting out fires left and right. And, good luck actually sitting down to a meal together at the end of the day. Tara Ryan, Co-Founder, CEO of Confidante, certified executive coach and Fair Play Facilitator acknowledges that “This [phase] is really hard. So many parents are navigating an enormous amount, much of it invisible.” Ryan explains, “By that, I mean the mental and emotional load that goes into keeping a household running: remembering appointments, anticipating needs, managing emotions, making sure everyone is fed, dressed, and cared for, all while trying to show up for careers, friendships, and ourselves. It can start to feel like life is a constant state of survival mode.”

And while most parents expect early parenthood to stretch their patience, many don’t realize just how much it can stretch their partnership, too. That’s why understanding this phase and its intricate challenges really does matter; your perspective shapes not just how you parent, but how you show up for each other.

How long this ‘survival mode’ lasts and what it requires of you is different for every family. Ryan emphasizes for most families, “The toddler and preschool years are intense. They demand so much of us physically, mentally, and emotionally.”

Chelsea Skaggs, Owner and Lead Coach at Postpartum Together, puts it this way: “The toddler years are like relationship CrossFit— it’s exhausting, repetitive, and full of moments that test your teamwork. This season isn’t about impressing anyone; it’s about staying connected while raising tiny humans who are constantly testing limits. The best thing you can do is focus less on perfection and more on connection. [So instead of] ‘How do we look?’, [ask yourself] ‘How are we holding each other through this?’”

And while those feelings are universal, intentionally staying connected can be even more challenging when the load at home is uneven. According to the Gender Equity Policy Institute, mothers spend about 12 hours per week taking care of children compared to 6.7 hours for fathers. When looking at just household work, mothers spend 2.4 times as much time as fathers do (15.2 hours per week versus 6.2 hours per week). While this specific study didn’t examine the ages of the kids, it’s clear that there is stark inequity at home, which can lead to resentment for some couples. It certainly did for me.

Ryan confirms, “When things feel hard or different than you expected, to slip into resentment, frustration, or blame. But those emotions, while valid, often pull you further apart.”

How to Prioritize Your Partnership, Even in the Thick of It

If you’re feeling disconnected and overwhelmed—whether it’s a new strain or something that’s been simmering for a while—a splashy date night or weekend away likely won’t address the root of the tension beneath the surface. For many couples, rebuilding connection starts by learning to operate as a united front at home. When couples reduce resentment, improve communication, and create a more equitable division of labor, it becomes much easier to rediscover closeness and show up for each other in more meaningful ways.

Here are practical, expert-backed ways to share the parenting load while also protecting time, energy, and emotional bandwidth for your partnership:

Weekly Check Ins

Think of this check in like a weekly standup, a non-negotiable time for you both to review logistics and show up for each other. Ryan explains that a weekly check in “sounds simple, but it can be transformative. The idea is to create a scheduled time that’s intentionally set aside for the two of you to connect, not just to manage logistics, but to really see and support each other.” In order for this to be successful, it’s imperative both individuals buy into the idea, acknowledging that this shared time is valuable. “There’s usually a loose structure to it.” says Ryan, “Start by checking in emotionally, how each of you are really doing, then move into what’s coming up for the week. Who’s traveling? What routines might be disrupted? Is anyone holding too much right now and needs support?”

A consistent weekly check-in weaves intention into the rhythm of your household, normalizing open communication and reinforcing the idea that you’re in this together—not as two exhausted individuals trading tasks, but as partners building a more equitable and connected home.

Claim a No Multi-Tasking Time (That Means Phones Down)

The hustle of family life rarely stops, which means you may need to schedule when you connect “inside the chaos,” remarks Skaggs. She suggests picking “one daily habit (like morning coffee or bedtime) and claim it as ‘no multitasking time’ together. Even if it’s just 5-10 minutes a day, the point isn’t perfection; it’s proof that connection can still fit in this season.” Leaning into these “microconnections,” as Skaggs calls them, “keeps you on the same team without needing a big night out or vacation to reset.”

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Recognize That All Time Is Created Equal

Historically, being the primary breadwinner has been viewed as more meaningful and important to the family unit. But for modern families, Ryan tells us that “one of the biggest mindset shifts families can make is recognizing that all time is created equal.” She explains, “Our culture tends to reward and prioritize paid work, the hours that show up on a paycheck. But paid work only happens because someone is doing unpaid work behind the scenes. Managing meals, laundry, appointments, emotional care, everything that keeps a household running.”

According to one study, mothers reported that they took on roughly 73 percent of all cognitive household labor, while their partners’ took on 27 percent. This “imbalance can drain energy and connection fast,” says Ryan. “The hour spent grocery shopping or soothing a sick child is just as valuable as the hour spent in a meeting. When families truly believe that, it changes how they divide the load and it creates more room for fairness, rest, and connection.”

Rethinking and Reframing Mom Guilt

When you’re walking that delicate tightrope trying to do all the “right” things—communicating more, dividing the load more equitably, carving out moments to reconnect—mom guilt has a way of sneaking in. You begin to listen to the quiet voice whispering that time spent on your relationship is time stolen from your kids. You wonder if you’re not pouring every ounce of your energy into motherhood, if you’re somehow falling short as a mother.

Prioritizing your partnership isn’t a betrayal of your role as a mother, but a stabilizing force for the entire family.

Ryan put it this way, “prioritizing your partnership isn’t taking away from your children, it’s actually in service of them. When we’re connected, supported, and grounded in our relationships, we’re able to show up as the kind of parents we want to be, calm, compassionate, patient, and emotionally available.” In other words, caring for your relationship is caring for your child. When you and your partner are aligned, your home feels steadier, your bandwidth expands and your cup is full.

“So instead of seeing time spent nurturing your relationship as ‘taking time away,’ try viewing it as refueling the system that supports your whole family,” remarks Ryan, “A healthy partnership is one of the most powerful gifts we can give our children because it models connection, respect, and emotional safety. So when that guilt shows up, it’s often a sign to pause and ask, am I measuring myself against unrealistic expectations, or am I acting in alignment with my values and what my family really needs? That small shift from guilt to groundedness can change everything.”

When I start feeling guilty—whether it’s for not being present enough, not doing enough, or simply not keeping up—I tend to revert into overcompensation mode. I add more to my plate, thinking if I just try harder or do more, my kids, husband, and my company will benefit. But as Ryan reminds us, the real work is choosing a narrative and sticking to a plan that truly supports your family and partnership—and returning to it again and again. Reframing guilt isn’t about pretending it doesn’t exist. Instead, focus on understanding that a strong relationship is part of the infrastructure that makes your home feel safe, steady, and connected.

Skaggs echoes this truth beautifully: “Prioritizing your partnership isn’t selfish—it’s how you protect your kids’ emotional home. You’re not choosing your partner over your kids. You’re choosing the health of your family system.” In other words: nurturing your relationship is not a detour from motherhood. It’s one of the most supportive choices you can make for your children.

Building a Partnership That Grows with Your Family

Parenthood will shape you, stretch you, and sometimes steamroll your best intentions. But it doesn’t have to erode the foundation you and your partner built long before diapers and daycare runs. As Skaggs reminds us, “Kids don’t need perfect parents; they need parents who are connected to each other and emotionally regulated.” When you are intentional about communicating openly, dividing the load more equitably, and releasing the guilt that whispers your partnership should come second, you’re modeling something powerful for your children: connection, respect, and a family built on shared effort.

Ryan adds that “the goal isn’t to chase a version of your relationship that existed before kids or to compare your partnership to someone else’s. It’s to stay aligned, to keep talking, and to keep choosing each other.” That ongoing choice—imperfect, intentional, and sometimes messy—is what allows a relationship to grow alongside your family rather than in spite of it.

It’s worth noting that partnership and parenting are never easy, but they shouldn’t have to be simply something we survive—they should be something that you actively build and evolve, together.

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