Exploring the Role of Nannies for Stay-at-Home Moms

A candid, stigma-busting look at why hiring a nanny as a stay-at-home mom shouldn’t be judged, but viewed as a smart, sustainable way to support parents, kids, and modern family life.

Working moms and stay-at-home moms have been eyeing each other across the playground for decades. Now, these mommy wars that just won’t quit have a new battleground: stay at home mom with nanny support.

Cue the collective gasp. “But you’re already home!” “What do you do all day then?”

But, what if every mom—no matter if they have a W9 or not—decides to reframe their perspective. What if having a nanny as a stay-at-home mom isn’t an oxymoron, but actually smart planning? Whether it’s managing multiple young kids, dealing with a high-needs child, or recognizing that being “on” 24/7 isn’t sustainable, plenty of SAHMs who have help doesn’t mean they’re failing at their job at mom.

If you’re a SAHM considering a nanny or already working with one and feeling guilty about it, we’re breaking down why this arrangement makes sense, what it looks like in practice, and how to silence that voice telling you that needing support is somehow wrong.

Spoiler: It’s not.

Whether it’s a full-time nanny, part-time family assistant or newborn care specialist, let us help you find the support that fits your lifestyle and family. Start by filling out our 2-minute family needs assessment to connect with our team. 

What Does a Stay at Home Mom Do?

Let’s start with the obvious: everything. SAHMs are running a full-time operation that includes chef, chauffeur, teacher, nurse, accountant, sleep consultant, and crisis manager—and that’s just in the hours before naptime. They’re managing schedules, meal planning, handling doctor’s appointments, overseeing development and education, maintaining the household, and somehow keeping tiny humans alive and reasonably happy. And unlike jobs with defined hours, being a stay at home mom (or truly, any parent) runs around the clock with no PTO, sick days, or lunch breaks where someone isn’t asking for a snack.

The kicker? None of this stops just because you’re home. In fact, being the primary caregiver 24/7 often means you’re always on duty. And for many, this means that they are the default parent, otherwise known as the one shouldering the mental and physical load of parenthood and the household. 

So when people ask (or silently judge) what a SAHM does all day, the better question might be: what doesn’t she do?

The Benefits of Being a SAHM

According to Pew Research Center, 26% of mothers are SAHMs. And while that number has fluctuated over the decades, the choice to stay home remains deeply personal and rooted in what families value most.

Because a SAHM is present every day, they get a front-row seat to every milestone, every first word, every wobbly step. As the primary caregiver, you’re the one shaping their values, creating traditions, and building a foundation of attachment that research shows can influence their emotional development for years to come. 

In fact, studies consistently point to the importance of consistent caregiving in early childhood, particularly in those critical first three years when kids are forming secure attachments. As a SAHM, you’re present and the constant for your child. You know exactly what makes your kid laugh, what foods they’ll actually eat, and how to navigate their meltdowns (well, most of the time). 

That deep intuitive knowledge often comes from being there day in and day out. In fact, research shows that secure early attachments can influence a child’s social, emotional, and cognitive development well into adulthood.

Thinking about hiring a nanny? Get personalized guidance through our intake form.

Stay-at-Home Mom Cons

It’s not all sunshine and roses—just ask any SAHM. According to Motherly’s State of Motherhood survey, found that 55% of SAHMs admitted they “always” or “frequently” feel burnt out—a significantly higher rate than their working counterparts. That’s not a small number, and it’s not because SAHMs are doing it wrong. It’s because the job is just that hard and relentless.

The challenges of being a SAHM are real and well-documented. There’s the isolation that comes from spending most of your days with people under three feet tall. There’s the lack of adult conversation, the brain fog from sleep deprivation, and the suffocating feeling that comes from never clocking out. You don’t get lunch breaks, sick days, or weekends off. 

The mental load—remembering doctor’s appointments, planning meals, managing schedules, tracking developmental milestones—falls on you. And here’s the kicker: society often dismisses all of this because you’re “just” home. The lack of validation can be crushing. Partners may not fully grasp what you do all day. Friends with careers might assume you have it easy. And you might start to wonder if they’re right, even though deep down you know better.

Reasons to Hire a Nanny or Household Support

So, where does that leave us? First, these ‘who’s doing more’ convos or whispers on the playground between working moms and SAHMs need to stop. It’s time we all agree that we’re all doing so much. 

Second, whether you’re a SAHM to a newborn or a full-time working parent to a high schooler, we all should recognize that needing support doesn’t mean you’re failing. Instead, asking for help is being realistic about what one person can sustainably handle. Here are some of the most common reasons SAHMs bring in help:

• Multiple children close in age: When you’re juggling a newborn who needs round-the-clock care and a toddler who’s determined to climb the bookshelf, something’s gotta give. A nanny can keep your older kids entertained and cared for while you handle feeding sessions, or take over newborn duty while you give your kindergartner the attention they’re craving. By hiring help, you’re taking care of your children and making sure everyone’s needs actually get met.
  
• Parental health, pregnancy, or postpartum recovery: Whether you’re dealing with a difficult pregnancy, recovering from a C-section, managing a chronic condition, or battling postpartum depression or anxiety, your body and mind need time to heal. A nanny or family assistant can handle the physical demands of childcare—the lifting, the chasing, the constant bending—while you focus on getting better. Basic self-care often feels impossible without support, and you can’t pour from an empty cup.
  
• Partner with long or unpredictable hours: If your partner works 60-hour weeks, travels constantly, or has an unpredictable schedule that isn’t a typical 9-5, you’re alone with your children many hours of the week. A nanny provides the backup you need during those peak chaos moments—morning routines, dinner prep, bedtime—so you’re not white-knuckling it through every single day. Hiring a nanny can be the difference between surviving and actually being present with your kids.
  
• Managing household complexity: Some households are just more complex and that’s ok. Maybe you’re managing a home renovation, caring for aging parents, dealing with a special needs child, or coordinating multiple activities and schedules. A nanny can take specific tasks off your plate—handling bath time while you cook dinner, or entertaining the kids while you handle the mountain of logistics that keeps your household running. This dynamic allows you to be fully engaged with your children rather than constantly distracted by your never-ending to-do list.
  
• Career transitions or balancing unpaid labor: Perhaps you’re launching a side business, taking online courses, volunteering in leadership roles, or doing freelance work. Having a nanny or family assistant gives you dedicated blocks of time to focus on these pursuits without guilt. You’re still home, still available, but you’re also building something beyond the four walls of your house. As parents, we’re not meant to be jacks of all trades—sometimes bringing in professionals who can add value to our children’s development while we handle other priorities is the smartest move we can make.

Ready to stop doing it all yourself? Connect with our team to discuss your needs.

Benefits of Being a Stay at Home Mom with Nanny Support—for Parents and Kids

For families who can financially make it work, having a SAHM with nanny support creates a setup that works remarkably well. It combines the benefits of parental presence with the practical reality of needing an extra set of hands. Here are some of the benefits of having a nanny:

For Parents:

• You get actual breaks without leaving the house or coordinating complex childcare logistics. 
• The mental load gets lighter when someone else can handle specific tasks or time blocks.
• You can be more present and patient with your kids when you’re not running on fumes.
• Personal time becomes possible—for self-care, hobbies, or even just a shower without an audience.
• You maintain your role as the primary caregiver while getting the support to do it sustainably.
• Partnership dynamics can improve when you’re less resentful and burnt out.

For Kids:

• They benefit from both parental attachment and exposure to another caring, consistent adult.
• They get enrichment activities and attention that one exhausted parent might not have bandwidth for.
• Siblings receive more individualized attention when adults can divide and conquer.
• They see modeling of healthy boundaries and the value of asking for help.
• Social skills develop through interacting with different caregiving styles.
• Everyone’s stress levels drop, which creates a calmer, happier home environment overall.

This arrangement isn’t a luxury statement or a prerequisite for good parenting, but simply one option that works for some families during certain seasons of life.

What a Stay-at-Home Mom/Nanny Relationship Actually Looks Like

If you’ve never had a nanny while being home, the logistics might feel fuzzy. What exactly does this person do when you’re already there? How do you divide up duties and empower your nanny to own them?These arrangements are as varied as the families who create them, but here are some common scenarios that work:

• The Tag-Team Approach: You handle morning routines and breakfast, nanny arrives mid-morning to take over playtime and activities while you tackle household projects, errands, or work. You reconvene for lunch, then the nanny handles nap supervision and afternoon activities while you prep dinner or take personal time. You’re both present but dividing responsibilities throughout the day.
• The Zone Defense: You focus on the baby while the nanny manages your toddler and preschooler. Or vice versa—nanny takes newborn duty (feeding, changing, holding for naps) while you give your older kids the attention they desperately need. This is especially popular with parents managing multiple young children with different developmental needs.
• The Peak Hours Support: Nanny comes for the hardest parts of the day—early morning chaos, the witching hour before dinner, or bedtime routines. You’re still doing the bulk of parenting, but you’ve got backup during the moments that typically send you over the edge. Even 3-4 hours of daily support can be transformative.
• The Project-Based Model: Maybe you’re recovering postpartum, managing a health issue, or deep in a work deadline. The nanny takes over primary childcare for specific weeks or months while you heal or handle what you need to handle. This isn’t a permanent setup—it’s strategic support during a demanding season. (If this interests you, check out our story on everything you need to know about hiring a newborn care specialist).
• The Specialist Arrangement: Some SAHMs hire nannies with specific expertise or nanny credentials. Think: Mandarin immersion, music instruction, special needs experience, infant sleep training. The nanny brings skills the parent doesn’t have, enriching the child’s day in ways the mom can’t replicate even with all the YouTube tutorials in the world.

This only works if you (the employer) are clear with your nanny or family assistant (your employee) from day one. What tasks belong to whom? When are you available versus when should the nanny handle it? How do you communicate throughout the day without stepping on each other’s toes? The most successful SAHM/nanny relationships treat it like the partnership it is: with defined roles, mutual respect, and regular check-ins to make sure it’s working for everyone.

Related: Nanny Contracts: Everything You Need to Know 

Addressing the Stigma Around SAHMs and Nannies

I know so much about being a SAHM with nanny support because not only am I the Founder and CEO of Hello Nanny!, but I was a SAHM with a nanny myself. When I told friends, neighbors or family that I hired Megan, a nanny to help support me during the postpartum days, all they could think was: why do you need help? 

But, what they didn’t see was my postpartum depression, the invisible labor of holding up my family and my general unhappiness in what was supposed to be a joyous moment. If you want to read more about my experience hiring a nanny as a stay-at-home mom, you can check out my essay here. But the short of it is that hiring a nanny saved my sanity and my marriage. 

I learned that the problem isn’t SAHMs hiring nannies, but our collective inability to acknowledge that parenting children—especially younger kids—is just really, really hard. Whether you’re working full-time, part-time or are a stay at home mom, raising kids can be difficult. And, when you’re a full-time working parent who hires full-time childcare, nobody bats an eye. But a SAHM doing the same? Suddenly it’s a luxury that requires justification. This double standard needs to end. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s recognizing your limits and prioritizing your wellbeing over outdated ideas about what motherhood should look like.

How to Decide If Hiring a Nanny as a SAHM Makes Sense 

If you’re considering hiring a nanny as a SAHM or you’re pregnant looking to your options in the future, here are some questions to discuss between you and your partner:

• What’s driving this decision? Get honest about what’s behind the need for help. Are you drowning in the daily grind? Managing multiple kids with different needs? Dealing with health issues or postpartum challenges? Trying to maintain some professional involvement or side project? There’s no wrong answer here. Instead of vague “Help would be nice” statements, getting detailed and clear helps you figure out what kind of support would actually solve the problem.
• What would make the biggest difference in your daily life? Think about your pain points. Is it the morning chaos? The witching hour before dinner? Having zero time for yourself? Needing someone with specialized skills your kids aren’t getting from you? Identifying the specific gaps helps you determine whether you need full-time support, part-time help, or just coverage during peak stress hours.
• Can you afford it—and what does “afford” really mean? Nanny costs vary wildly by location, experience level, and hours needed. Run the actual numbers for your area and be realistic about your budget. But also consider the cost of not having help—burnout, mental health struggles, relationship strain, or giving up income-generating opportunities. Sometimes the ROI isn’t just financial.
• How will this work logistically in your home? If you’re home while the nanny works, what will that dynamic look like? Will you divide tasks by child, by time of day, or by type of activity? Are you comfortable having another adult in your space regularly? Can you establish boundaries and respect someone else’s working relationship with your kids? These aren’t dealbreakers, but they’re worth thinking through and figuring out your ideal situation. 
• What does your partner think? This is a household decision, not just yours to make. Talk through the logistics, the budget, and whether you’re both on the same page about what support looks like. If your partner doesn’t understand why you need help while being home, have that conversation before you start interviewing candidates. And, for those who need a bit of extra support, our story on Fair Parenting: What it is and 5 conversation starters for healthy relationships is a good place to start. 
• Are you ready to let go of doing it all yourself? This might be the hardest question. Can you hand off tasks without micromanaging? Can you accept that someone else might do things differently than you would? If you’re hiring help but can’t actually let them help, you’re just adding another person to manage, which just defeats the purpose.

Building Sustainable Support

Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean you signed up to do everything alone. Sure, you’re  the primary caregiver, the constant presence, the person building those foundational attachments, but it doesn’t mean you have to white-knuckle your way through every single moment of every single day.

The SAHM with a nanny setup isn’t about luxury or laziness. Because whether you’re navigating postpartum recovery, managing multiple kids, dealing with a partner’s demanding schedule, or simply hitting a wall after months of relentless caregiving, hiring help doesn’t diminish your role as a mother. If anything, it strengthens it. 

A supported mom is a better mom. A rested mom is a more patient mom. A mom who gets to shower without an audience and occasionally finishes a cup of coffee while it’s still hot? That mom has a lot more to give.

The stigma around SAHMs hiring nannies says more about our society’s unrealistic expectations of mothers than it does about the mothers making this choice. So if this is something you’re considering, stop waiting for permission. You don’t need anyone’s approval to build the support system that works for your family.

Ready to explore what household support could look like for your family? Complete our 2-minute family needs assessment to get personalized guidance on finding the right fit.

FAQs

Do you need a nanny if you work from home?

Working from home is complicated enough (laundry between meetings, anyone?). So if you are working from home, then having some sort of childcare, whether it’s a nanny or outside daycare is crucial to help you feel like your best self as a mother and employee. If you’re juggling meetings, deadlines, or focused work, a nanny while you work from home can create the structure your child needs—and the mental space you need to actually do your job well.

Should stay-at-home moms get a nanny?

There’s no “should” because the decision to hire a nanny is a deeply personal one. Some SAHMs thrive solo; others need support to avoid burnout, manage multiple kids, or maintain their sanity during particularly challenging phases. The question isn’t whether SAHMs “deserve” help (they do), but whether hiring a nanny solves a real problem in your household.

How much does a nanny cost?

Nanny pay varies wildly by location, experience, and responsibilities, but most families can expect to pay an hourly rate that reflects professional, in-home care. Beyond wages, you’ll also want to budget for payroll taxes and benefits—because a nanny is an employee, not a babysitter. If you’re curious about nanny rates in your specific region, reach out to our team and we’ll give you the inside scoop on your specific geographical region and what you can expect to pay. 

Do I need to give benefits to my nanny?

Legally, you are not required by the government to provide benefits. But, practically speaking: yes, if you want to attract and retain quality caregivers. Standard benefits include paid time off, paid holidays, paid sick days, and often health insurance stipends for full-time employees. Think of it this way: you’re competing for talented professionals who have options—offering benefits isn’t just the right thing to do or a nice to have, but how you build a stable, long-term relationship with someone caring for your kids. For more information, read 11 standard nanny benefits you haven’t yet considered and our guide to offering health insurance to your nanny. 

This post was originally published on January 21, 2024. It has been updated as of February 8, 2026.