Working Parents, Secure Kids: How Nannies Support Healthy Attachment

A child development expert explains how secure attachment actually works—and why children can form healthy, meaningful bonds with both parents and nannies without weakening the parent–child bond.

Recently, Hilary Duff opened up to Rolling Stone about a worry many parents experience, though may not always speak openly about. 

Duff described doing a wardrobe fitting at her home to prep for her new tour. While she was trying on racks of new clothing, her sick child was upstairs with their nanny. She admitted, “In my mind, I’m like, ‘They’re going to look back at this time and be like, I was sick and my nanny was painting my toes and my mom was downstairs shopping.’ And I’m just like, my job sucks sometimes. You know what I mean? That should be me up there.” 

Even for a multi-hyphenate like Duff, bringing a caregiver into your home means more support, but it can also stir up complicated feelings of mom guilt. 

And for working parents especially, the insecurity and guilt can creep in during these small moments: the missed nap-time cuddle, the milestone you hear about secondhand, the moment when your child reaches for their nanny instead of you. Even when you know your child is safe, loved, and thriving, it’s natural to wonder whether time apart might negatively affect your relationship with your child. 

If you’re wondering if a child can form a secure attachment to multiple caregivers, the answer is reassuring according to experts. Secure attachment isn’t a limited resource that can only exist between a child and one adult, says Dr. Chloe Massey, Parent Coaching Advisor at Poppins. Not only can children form bonds with multiple caregivers, but they actually benefit from this, too. Massey explains, “It’s actually healthy for children to form secure relationships with multiple caregivers. Your child bonding with their nanny doesn’t detract from their bond with you… it simply means they have another safe, supportive relationship in their world.”

In this guide, we’ll unpack what secure attachment actually means, the signs that a child feels safe and connected, and why having multiple loving caregivers—including a nanny—can be a powerful part of a child’s emotional development.

 👉Looking for a caregiver who can encourage your child’s emotional development? Complete your family intake form and we’ll help you find the right match.

What Is Secure Attachment?

At its most basic, secure attachment is the emotional bond that forms when a child experiences caregivers as consistently responsive, safe, and supportive. When a baby cries and someone comforts them, when a toddler looks back to see a trusted adult nearby, or when a child knows they can return to a familiar face after exploring the world—those repeated moments build a foundation of trust. This is what it means to have a secure attachment. 

For parents who bring a nanny into their home, it’s completely natural to wonder how that relationship fits into their child’s emotional world. Can a child form a strong bond with both a parent and a nanny? In other words, does a child have the capacity to form a confident and secure relationship with more than one caregiver? According to Dr. Massey, that worry is incredibly common—even if it’s not grounded in reality. As she explains, “[This feeling is] not so much grounded in reality, but it is a very relatable fear! When you go from being the primary caregiver in your child’s life to bringing in another caregiver, it’s completely normal to feel uncertain about that transition.”

While complex feelings of mom guilt and insecurity may arise, the research has long shown that children don’t rely on just one person to build that foundation. In fact, forming relationships with multiple trusted adults can be a strength. As Dr. Massey explains that secure attachment to multiple caretakers is, “actually beneficial! Children can form secure attachments to multiple caregivers, and research shows that having several supportive, responsive adults in a child’s life is a protective factor. What this means is that it helps buffer children from stress and supports healthy development.” 

Related: The Benefits of Having a Nanny

What Are the Signs of Secure Attachment? 

If your toddler wants to be comforted by their nanny during a meltdown, this doesn’t mean that they prefer your nanny over you. Instead, secure attachment shows up in the way children move through the world.

Children with secure attachments typically feel comfortable exploring their surroundings because they trust that a caregiver—whether it’s you, a nanny or a grandparent—is nearby if they need reassurance. They may seek comfort when they’re upset, show excitement when a parent returns after time apart, and gradually build the confidence to try new things on their own.

Importantly, these behaviors can appear with multiple trusted adults in a child’s life. As Dr. Massey reminds us, “Our children were never meant to be raised by just one or two people, although that is what many families are doing. Historically, we raised children supported by a broader network of caregivers including parents, grandparents, teachers, etc.”

A toddler might happily play with their nanny during the day and still run to a parent for comfort at bedtime. Rather than indicating confusion or divided loyalty, this pattern often reflects something positive: the child feels safe and supported by more than one consistent caregiver.

Secure attachment is less about exclusivity and choosing one caregiver over another, but should be looked at as predictable, responsive care over time.

Related: 11 Standard Nanny Benefits You Didn’t Know

What Can Nannies Do to Encourage Secure Attachment 

Whether you are the only caregiver or you share duties with multiple caregivers like a nanny, daycare or family member, Dr. Massey suggests one practical tip to make sure the key caregivers in your child’s life are aligned on the things that matter the most, “The big three are sleep, safety, and food/mealtimes. Consistency in those areas helps create stability for children, even when multiple people are involved in their care. The parent coaches at Poppins can help you get clear on your boundaries and non-negotiables, so that everyone caring for your child is truly on the same page.”

For nannies, supporting secure attachment starts with respecting and reinforcing the parent–child bond. This can look like speaking positively about parents during the day, keeping parents informed about milestones or emotional moments, and encouraging children to share their experiences with mom or dad when they return home. Small moments—like saying “Let’s tell your mom what you built today!”—help children naturally see their parents as their primary emotional anchor.

Strong communication between parents and nannies is equally important. Regular check-ins about routines, transitions, discipline strategies, and developmental changes help ensure children experience consistency across caregivers. When adults are aligned on everything from boundaries to discipline to sleep, children feel safer and more secure because the expectations and rhythms of their day remain predictable.

Finally, experienced nannies understand that their role isn’t to replace a parent, but to support their employer’s family system. By creating a calm, responsive environment during the hours they’re present and working collaboratively with parents, nannies help expand a child’s circle of secure relationships. And that wider network of trusted adults is exactly what supports healthy emotional development.

 👉Secure attachment means alignment between nanny and parent. Tell us about your needs through our family intake form and we’ll guide you through a thoughtful hiring process with a nanny who can collaborate with you to set your child up for success.

What Actually Determines a Strong Parent-Child Bond

As a working parent, it’s easy to count both the hours and experiences you’re missing when you’re away from your child. In reality, attachment is not determined by simply how much time you spend with their child.

As Dr. Massey explains, “While the quality of the relationship matters most, finding time to be together is still important. It’s less about the total number of hours you spend with your child (PHEW!) and more about how you show up in the time you do have…which for many of us is limited M-F.”

In other words, connection isn’t measured in hours alone, but shaped by presence, responsiveness, and emotional attunement.

Dr. Massey shares how she approaches this in her own family: “I try to be really intentional about that in my own life by showing up and entering their world (phone free, for me! So I’m fully present). When I’m fully present, they can feel it. I also find it incredibly grounding as a parent to step away from the chaos and noise to simply enter their world. Those moments are often simple, but they’re deeply meaningful for both of us.”

For working parents especially, this perspective can be incredibly reassuring. What builds strong bonds isn’t constant proximity or sheer number of hours, but ensuring the connected time you do have together is genuine and unencumbered.  

Related: The Default Parent Dilemma: Why Moms Carry the Maternal Mental Load (& How to Change It)

Ways to Strengthen the Parent-Child Bond

When you hire a nanny and begin to see your child drawn to them, some parents feel pressure to “compete” for connection with their child. But strengthening your relationship with your child doesn’t require competing with anyone.

In fact, it’s an entirely separate dynamic.

As Dr. Massey explains, “Parents should remember that having multiple caregivers in a child’s life is a good thing and doesn’t detract from the parent–child relationship. Strengthening your bond with your child is a separate thing from the fact that a nanny is part of the caregiving team.”

Instead of focusing on comparison, parents can focus on creating small, intentional moments of connection.

Dr. Massey recommends simple, everyday practices: “The most meaningful way to nurture that bond is by continuing to see your child for who they are, showing interest in what they care about (yep! Even if you don’t care about it), and being fully present with them when you can. Set aside moments to put the phone away, get on the floor and play, share a meal together, or do a simple activity side by side. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate — often it’s the small, everyday moments of genuine presence that matter most.”

Here are some activities to connect together (phone-free!):

• Read a book together before bed
• Let your child help you cook dinner (even though you know it may go slower and be messier)
• Spend a few minutes talking about the day after school
• Go on a walk, scooter or bike ride together
• Draw side-by-side

These small rituals may seem ordinary, but over time they build the emotional scaffolding of a strong parent–child relationship.

Dr. Massey also notes that many parents are navigating competing demands on their time and attention. “This is actually a popular topic families explore with the parent coaches at Poppins — because for so many parents, time and mental load are the things they feel most stretched by. Juggling work, parenting, and everything in between leaves little room to stop and ask: what do I actually value most, and how do I want to show up at home?”

Finding clarity around family values and priorities can make those everyday moments feel more meaningful. As Dr. Massey explains, “Working through your family values, the relationships you want to nurture, and how you want to spend the time you do have together makes all the difference. When you have that clarity, the moments you do get feel a lot less like they’re slipping through your fingers.”

Related: Why More Families Than Ever Are Turning to Family Assistants to Lighten the Load

It Truly Takes a Village

The fear that a nanny might somehow replace a parent is one many families quietly carry (even famous ones!), but it’s not how child development actually works.

Children don’t have a limited capacity for love or attachment. Instead, they thrive when surrounded by consistent, caring adults who support their emotional world. A nanny’s presence doesn’t weaken the parent–child bond; if anything, it can strengthen the environment that allows that bond to flourish.

Parents remain a child’s emotional anchor. A nanny simply becomes another trusted person in the child’s circle—someone who helps support the rhythms of daily life while parents continue to shape the deeper connection that defines their relationship.

In many ways, this mirrors how families and communities historically raised children. Parents weren’t expected to do everything alone; children were surrounded by grandparents, extended family members, teachers, and trusted caregivers. That network of support gave children more opportunities for connection, guidance, and emotional security. 

Because it truly does take a village to thrive. 

👉Still looking for your village? Complete our family intake form and we’ll help you find a nanny trained to support your family’s specific needs. 

FAQs

How do I know if my child has a secure attachment?

Children with secure attachment typically feel comfortable exploring their environment but check back in with a trusted caregiver for reassurance. They seek comfort when upset, show excitement when a parent returns, and gradually become more confident navigating the world. In short, they see their caregiver as a safe base they can always return to.

Can a child become more attached to a nanny than their parents?

While children may spend significant time with a nanny, research shows that parents remain a child’s primary emotional anchor. A child forming a warm, secure bond with a nanny is typically a sign that they feel safe—not that their relationship with their parents is weaker.

Is it healthy for children to have multiple caregivers?

Yes. Developmental research shows that children benefit from having several consistent, supportive adults in their lives. These relationships can strengthen emotional resilience and provide additional sources of stability and care.

Will working full-time affect my attachment with my child?

Not necessarily. Experts emphasize that relationship quality matters more than total hours spent together. Being emotionally present and engaged during the time you share often has a greater impact than the number of hours alone.

How can parents stay connected when a nanny is part of the caregiving team?

Focus on small, consistent moments of connection—reading together, sharing meals, talking about the day, or playing side-by-side. These everyday rituals help build strong bonds and give children a sense of closeness with their parents.

What should parents and nannies align on?

Consistency is key for children to thrive. Experts recommend aligning on core routines like sleep, safety practices, and meals so children experience predictable care throughout the day, regardless of who is with them.

How to help a child with insecure attachment? 

The most important step is providing consistent, responsive care so your child learns their needs will be met. Small daily moments—comforting them when they’re upset, being present during play, and maintaining predictable routines—help rebuild that sense of safety over time. If concerns persist, a pediatrician or parent coach can help guide you through supportive strategies.