Here’s what I want others to know.
I’m often surprised that outdated stereotypes about what it’s like to be a stay-at-home mom persist—from whispers at the playground to the point-blank questions SAHMs get asked about how they spend their days.
If the answer isn’t obvious: stay-at-home moms aren’t living the life of leisure getting manicures, taking naps and watching reality TV all day. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
How do I know that? I was a SAHM for 2 years and it was one of the hardest—if not hardest—roles I’ve ever had. (And, earlier in my career I thought I had it hard when I was one of the few female territory sales managers on a team of 50 men—little did I know!).
Motherly’s 2022 State of Motherhood survey report substantiates the challenges SAHMS face, finding that SAHMs reported higher levels of burnout than working moms. According to Motherly: Out of the 17,000 people who took the survey, 55% of SAHMs admitted they “always” or “frequently” feel burnt out, which is a much larger percentage than their working counterparts (11% and 38%, respectively).
My Experience Hiring a Nanny as a SAHM
Shortly after my son was born in 2018 I embraced my role as a SAHM. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Like many working mothers, I felt burnt out by my full-time sales role and I embraced taking a step back in my career.
Even though this wasn’t my first rodeo (my eldest was 13 years old at the time), I underestimated how hard it would really be. I thought: if I could be one of the most successful software sales reps on a male-dominated team, why wouldn’t I be able to care for a 7 pound infant with the support of a devoted partner?
I soon discovered that I struggled to mother a newborn and it was incredibly hard to admit this in the moment. I had so much pride and thought I could do it all, when really, with that mentality, I set myself up for failure.
So, I put aside my ego. My husband and I decided to hire a mother’s helper who proved her value immediately, quickly evolving into a full-time nanny. When I mentioned our nanny, Megan, instead of voicing their relief that I was finally receiving the support I needed, friends and strangers alike couldn’t hide their bewilderment: “Wow, you’re a stay-at-home mom and you have a nanny? Must be nice.”
It stung to hear those words and a reminder of the societal stigma surrounding the idea of accepting help while being a caregiver.
“Yes, that’s correct,” I would say curtly while debating whether to explain further. I really wanted to say, “Yes it is really nice. Being a mom is a full-time, 24/7 job. There are no meal breaks, no vacation days, and you’re lucky if you can sneak in a bathroom break without your baby needing you. Motherhood is relentless and I would not be able to stand here and have a conversation with you if it weren’t for my nanny so please get your jaw off the floor.”
The truth was like any mother, I was still on duty at all hours. But, a nanny eased the mental and physical load of new motherhood.
From the outside it may have looked like an idyllic scenario with two people caring for one baby. Behind closed doors, I was dealing with postpartum depression. If it weren’t for Megan, I would have suffered silently for even longer. Megan soon became more than just a caregiver for my son; she became a confidante and a guiding light for our whole family.
With over thirty years of childcare experience and five children of her own, Megan’s wisdom was invaluable. From newborn care to sleep advice, I learned so much from her. It wasn’t just parenting advice that I soaked up—she also educated me about the good, the bad and the ugly of the nanny industry.
Even as her employer, Megan felt comfortable having difficult conversations with me—and I’ll always be grateful for her honesty. She pointed out, for example, that banking hours—using her hours from one week to cover another—was unfair to her personal life. Most people shy away from challenging discussions, but Megan’s honesty helped me grow. To this day, one of the most profound lessons she taught me was the importance of respect and clear communication between employer and caregiver.
Over five years, our partnership flourished. Megan lifted the veil on the nanny industry while also giving me confidence as a new mom—she gave me the type of confidence even my husband couldn’t give me at the time.
I learned about traveling with a nanny, establishing clear work agreements, and treating caregivers as equals. Megan shared her experiences of being treated like “the help,” and while I knew these situations did happen, it was still appalling to me to hear her first-person account. I vowed to never let that happen in our home. Megan stayed with us for 4 years. She was my family’s rock.
My New Mission Comes to Life
My son’s first few years of life were transformative for me and cemented my passion to make a difference in the lives of mothers and caregivers. Especially after my experiences with Megan, I felt a calling to help other parents understand the importance of accepting help.
Because when it comes down to it, I wanted every mother to have the experience I did. Every mother deserved a capable, loving and supportive nanny like Megan. They need to know that it’s possible to have help and that it’s ok to hire help, no matter whether you have a full-time job outside the home or are a SAHM by choice.
To make this dream a reality, I established Hello Nanny!, a nationwide agency dedicated to equipping parents with the tools and resources needed to find and retain exceptional nannies.
My mission became clear: to inspire parents to let go of their pride and embrace the support available to them. To adapt to every family’s budget and needs, Hello Nanny!’s services range from a comprehensive concierge team to handle everything for you end to end to a self-service model that allows you to bring your own candidate and use our technology to assist in the hiring process.
We Do Things Differently at Hello Nanny!
Finding a nanny can be a time consuming, expensive and highly personal endeavor, which is why our agency makes it our mission to streamline the process for families, be transparent about costs from the start, and serve as a resource and guide for you throughout the entire process. Here’s what sets our agency apart:
Packages for Every Type of Family
Concierge Package
For those wishing for our agency to handle the hiring process end to end, our concierge package is the perfect fit. We’ll do everything from recruit and screen candidates to coordinate interviews and trial work days to setting you up with the perfect job requisition and employment contract.
Self-Service Package
I want to provide access to our agency tools and resources so even people who may not have the resources to pay for a full-service agency experience can still leverage our tech to help them find a caregiver. With our new self-service package clients recruit their own candidate and pay a smaller investment, getting access to our software and guides. And, best of all with our BYOC (bring your own candidate) package, you have our agency by your side to jump in with expert support as you desire. Whether it’s having our recruiter conduct a final interview just for a second opinion, or running the background check as the finishing touch, our team is on standby.
Transparent fees
Agency fees in major metropolitan areas can exceed $20,000 to $30,000. This just doesn’t sit well with me—using an agency to find your perfect fit should be accessible.
That’s why I created a fixed-fee model, ensuring families know their agency fee upfront with no surprises. We provide unbiased advice on market rates, as we have no vested interest in those numbers. For our premier concierge packages, our fixed rates are not based on a nanny’s first year salary, which means that we aren’t incentivized to place families with the highest salaried nanny.
Resources
Whether you’re a self-service or concierge client, you’ll benefit from the dozens of guides I’ve developed, which include interview guides, reference guides, a nationwide map, and a budgeting guide based on a nanny census report detailing actual reported wages by career nannies. I’ve created a guide for drafting the perfect job requisition, how to extend and offer with offer letter templates, and guides for conducting social media audits. In short, if you have a question, I have a guide for it. There are a lot of things to consider when hiring a nanny and if you’ve never done this before, it can feel overwhelming. My hope is that our agency makes it less so by providing all the tools and resources you need to feel confident and prepared.
Embracing Caregivers Without Guilt
Being a stay-at-home mom with a nanny meant that I didn’t suffer from burnout; in fact, I became a better version of myself. My son is almost 7 years old and we now have a family assistant who helps keep our household running smoothly. They manage a variety of tasks, including home organization, meal planning, grocery shopping, and meal preparation. What’s more: our assistant handles ordering supplies for our son and is available for any incidental tasks that come up like household laundry, changing bed sheets, coordinating with contractors for any home repairs, and scheduling and overseeing the cleaners. Our family assistant takes care of all the things on the homefront so I can be there for our son at school pick up, watch my son at his jiu jitsu practice and visit our daughter at college. I know that everything at home is handled so I can focus on being a mom and business owner.
Now I know that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a strength—a superpower that empowers us to thrive. Through Hello Nanny, I aim to provide parents with the same tools and resources that Fortune 500 companies use, making the search for a nanny or family assistant a seamless experience. I hope to inspire other parents to embrace the support they deserve, fostering a community where caregiving is honored and respected.
